Himanshu Chaudhari
Hi, my name is Himanshu. I am a proud father, investor and corporate leader. I also have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).
Himanshu discovered his ADHDness much later in life when he struggled with completing tasks at work. He counts the strong support of his family, friends and employer in coming to terms with ADHD.
My childhood & schooling years
I grew up in India in a very loving, large family, which I am thankful for. In my formative years, my grandparents, parents, uncles, and aunts all lived together or nearby. I fondly remember and cherish this aspect of growing up. My mom had a very understanding nature—this was fundamental to my growth and helped me in a big way.
I studied in a school where the same class progressed from grade 1 to 12. So I was very comfortable with my classmates. I wanted to go to school to be with my friends, not that I cared much for academics, for I never really paid much attention in class. For the most part, I don't think I had great teachers. But I would still go to school simply because I loved the company of my friends. I'm very fortunate to continue to have many of these close friends in my life since primary one.
When I came to Singapore for my undergrad, some of my school friends also got in and took up the same course. They have stayed on and made Singapore home, like me. I'm very fortunate that I have had support from my friends throughout my journey because a lot of my confidence and social acceptance come from that.
In my teenage years, I did struggle because there was a lot of academic pressure in my family. The pressure was not about sitting down to study every day. A lot of elder family members including my dad had done well academically and the same was expected of me. Upward social mobility was a big thing. The path to getting a good job, growing in your career or moving upwards in life was expected through education.
I struggled with this academic pressure. The biggest reason I came out of India to study in Singapore is that I wanted to move away from that environment of academic pressure. Though now I also feel fortunate that some amount of pushing from my environment is what helped me achieve good enough grades to get the opportunity to come and study at NUS.
I think that the cusp of my academic ability was to be able to get to the university level. I was not able to do well at the university level, because reading and focus just kept getting harder. The reason why I could at least graduate with basic grades is that there was a lot of project and teamwork in which I still did well. Friends also helped me to keep moving forward. If I was in a course which required a lot of research and writing papers, I would have failed.
Career journey
I did not set out to join the corporate sector after I graduated from NUS. But after a month of doing part-time jobs, I realised that money is essential for basic needs and I wasn’t making enough. Moreover, I realised that I am someone who needs routine and a schedule which can come with a regular job. Hence, I went back to the company where I interned and spent close to a decade working in technology consulting.
My second and current job is at J.P. Morgan which is a great organisation that values individual diversity. I've been with the bank for 9 years now and I really admire the collaborative and open working culture in my firm. I look after certain strategic initiatives for the bank across APAC. Some of these initiatives could run from six months to three years. The job nature is flexible which is great because as much as I look for stability, I also don't like the routine of a fixed 9-to-7 job.
Discovering ADHD
My journey to figuring out my ADHD diagnosis started at work. A few years ago, I was struggling to complete certain work tasks, taking as long as three days to complete them when I knew I could do them in 1-2 hours. I questioned why was I not able to complete these tasks when I knew exactly what I had to do?
My firm has an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) where you can contact a mental health professional and get help for a few sessions, sponsored by the firm. The fact that this channel existed made it simpler for me to take that first step to speaking to a professional. So I called and set up an appointment.
I was a bit anxious as I had all these ideas in my mind from popular culture, about what it is like to sit on a ‘Shrink’s Couch’ and talk about life. There was also inhibition that comes from talking to a stranger and opening up about yourself. So there was a bit of anxiety in booking that appointment.
However, I found myself fairly comfortable talking about my issues in that first session. After a few more sessions, I also consulted a psychiatrist who spoke to me and my spouse together. A lot of things pointed towards clear signs of ADHD. This whole experience took a couple of months.
“Just knowing that I have ADHD has been very helpful. Googling about the awesome people who have ADHD, such as Richard Branson, also helped me.”
Within a year, I was able to reflect openly on this and understand myself a lot better. The corporate culture at my firm is great—where there is a platform for people to share personal stories about their own mental health struggles. I was not hesitant to share my own ADHD story at work as we have a positive work culture and also perhaps due to my life stage where I feel very secure and confident. If I had just started my career, I may have been hesitant.
Sharing my ADHD and seeking help story at work was a very positive experience. Most people reacted very encouragingly which is what I expected too.
“What I didn’t expect was how so many people reached out, telling me how they too sought help or were thinking of seeking help; and are now thinking of sharing their stories. That was very reaffirming.”
My family was super supportive when they learned of my ADHD diagnosis. My kids think it’s cool to be unique. My wife thought my diagnosis was interesting as it explained certain things. What my wife really appreciated was that I sought help. Later on, she also sought help for things that she was dealing with.
My strengths
“ADHD is just one aspect of my life. I have strengths and weaknesses, which have nothing to do with ADHD, and these have continued to mould my life.”
I generally have a calm disposition. When something is not working out for me, I would struggle but I wouldn't panic. The good thing is that because I stay calm, I don't let the extreme emotions of the situation affect what I'm trying to do. This has helped in family and work life. I think also helped post my ADHD diagnosis as I did not feel alarmed or felt anything of concern.
I'm also fortunate that over the years I have become a better listener, probably as a coping mechanism because I struggled with reading. I have been able to use this strength quite often because my work primarily focuses on talking to people. I'm someone who picks up the phone and talks to the person as opposed to communicating back and forth over email. These things clearly help in the corporate work setup.
In my academics, I had a knack for maths and science—these required less reading and more reasoning. Given that aptitude, I could do well enough in STEM.
Experimentation with what works
Since being diagnosed with ADHD, I have done a lot of self-experimentation, and continue to develop a good picture of what works for me. There are tons of resources out there on what you can do. A lot of it has got to do with dopamine regulation. I always share with other adult ADHD-ers to experiment and see what works. Maybe medications or supplementation, maybe meditation, maybe exercise—just try and figure out how to cope better. I think experimenting has been important and helpful for me.
At 40, having lived a fairly open and experimental life so far, I feel reasonably self-aware and confident to shape my life path. Over the years, for example, I figured that I hate reading books so I started learning by listening to audiobooks and podcasts. The National Library has an awesome collection of audiobooks which I am very grateful for.
I still struggle a lot. I journal which has been a helpful activity—however, there are days when I find myself not even wanting to type in my journal or do any self-introspection. The reality is that we never achieve perfection, so I don’t aim for it.
Advice for my younger self
I would tell my younger self to not compare myself to others. I'm not somebody who prepares a month in advance. Most of my close friends were top students who would do a lot of academic preparation which I wouldn’t. I would a lot of exam prep and academic tasks last minute—and while I did okay, I would still beat myself up for doing things at the last minute. Now, I subscribe to that mantra that I don't need to be perfect, just be good enough.
“I would also tell my younger self to be more self-compassionate. When I was younger and I couldn’t bring myself to focus/be driven enough to complete a task—my internal dialogue was very harsh.”
Then I would become insecure and compare myself to others. I did not even share this aspect with my mom although we were close. Today, I would like to tell my younger self that “It is okay—don’t be so harsh on yourself”. As a parent, self-compassion is the number one thing I am trying to encourage in my kids.
“An awesome piece of advice from my mom was—“What is normal? Normal is just average. Why aim to be just average? Just be awesome at being yourself, normal or not”. I would remind my younger self of this over and over.”
Improving inclusivity in organisations
Firstly, there has to be a continued wider discussion on mental diversity at the societal level. Organisations cannot encourage this alone. We live in encouraging times – I can see that there are increasing and ongoing global conversations on this. Great sports athletes are stepping up to talk about their mental health and even giving up a chance at success in competitions to prioritise their mental health.
In the corporate world, I feel there is a noticeable difference in the “openness at work” across various organisations. I hope more firms make their work culture more inclusive by actively talking about mental health and encouraging it through programs such as the Employee Assistance Program (EAP) and acceptance of sick leave not just for physical health but for mental health issues as well. Active sharing of mental health struggles from role models in corporate leadership will also go a long way.
“The implementation of such programs requires dedicated management/HR effort and has some costs, which I feel will be completely worth it for the organisations in the long run as their most precious resources, their employees will be more productive from benefitting from these.”
Finally, I think government support can continue to encourage mental health awareness and acceptance of neurodiversity. I think our government's support to business and corporate community is already very good—and this helps our nation competitively. Maybe more focused government grants to firms which are looking to establish employee focussed mental health programs would be helpful.
Big companies can have EAP, but not every company can afford it and there's always a limited budget to do everything a firm wants. Many leaders in Singapore, from both corporate and public health, are already talking about it. I also feel very encouraged by the initiatives from non-profit organisations like Unlocking ADHD, SPARK and Uncommon Minds—all of whom I’ve had the privilege to contribute towards. Hence, I'm very optimistic about this aspect.
Hopes and dreams for the future
I hope and dream of a society with fewer mental health taboos. There is no taboo attached to talking about physical illnesses, physiotherapy, or surgery. However, there is a stigma attached to talking about differences in how our brains work. Why is that? I think we can do a lot better. I'm optimistic that we are heading in the right direction.
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