Caleb Heng
👋 Hi, my name is Caleb. I am 24 this year and currently studying Information Technology at Republic Polytechnic.
Caleb Heng credits Pathlight School with growing his confidence and self-esteem. Read on to learn how his neurodivergence is not stopping him from achieving his dream job!
About me
I am also working part-time at Challenger. I’m also a foodie! I also hope to join the police force one day. 💪 I have many hobbies, including singing, listening to K-pop (BLΛƆKPIИK), hanging out with my friends, and hiking.
At Pathlight
When I was studying in a mainstream school during most of my primary school years, I was treated like an outcast, bullied, and seen as weird. I remember feeling lonely, misunderstood, unloved and depressed.
Therefore, speaking to the school counsellor became a frequent activity. Some teachers were not very helpful as well, perhaps due to the lack of awareness of different learning needs at that time.
Mainstream schools could be better now but there is a long way to go. The current thinking is perhaps too “black and white” and there is a lack of a middle ground to support those with different learning needs.
I was eventually diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome in Primary Six after my parents sent me for an assessment. I was transferred to Pathlight in the same year, which was a difficult decision for my parents.
Initially, they felt uncomfortable when they first witnessed some meltdowns in the school. Fortunately, my godparents helped to convince my parents that it would benefit me more in Pathlight. Looking back, it would have been disastrous if I stayed in the mainstream primary school.
“Pathlight was a major turning point in my life. I could be myself and talk to other students that had the same struggles as I did. I was no longer seen as just another naughty or weird boy.”
For the first time, there were teachers, counsellors, and therapists, as well as friends who understood me, patiently taught and guided me—and most importantly, allowed me to grow as who I am, and not subject me to stereotypes when I did not behave like a “normal” kid.
My confidence level began to increase, and within two to three years of enrolling in Pathlight, I became a popular kid in school! Pathlight has enabled me to learn and grow in my own space, and to discover myself.
Within two years of enrolling into Pathlight, I was nominated to be a Student Councillor and ultimately, I made it through. As a Student Councillor, I was given many opportunities to strengthen my confidence and boost my self-esteem.
Such notable experiences would be seen in numerous student council duties as well as typical student presentation roles:
Serving as an usher for numerous parent’s night events
Being the emcee for one of the parent’s night events
Serving as an usher for two “A Very Special Concert” events
Given the role of a presenter on a few parent’s night events
Appointed as a logistics head in the student council
Sharing interesting learning points from personal experiences with the school
When I initially entered Pathlight, I wasn’t aware that I had autism until a few months later. I had to google on the web what it meant. There was a sense of realisation when I found out.
Things were also not easy. I had to learn how to self-regulate when things did not go my way. There was a time when I felt down and asked a fellow Christian therapist in Pathlight if I should just give up. She told me that “God loves people who are different and vulnerable”. That inspired and helped me to move forward.
I am very thankful to my teachers and therapists in Pathlight who are very understanding and caring. They would listen patiently to my woes, help me straighten out my thoughts and deal with my emotions. I would not be able to achieve what I have today without them.
After Pathlight, I entered Republic Polytechnic (RP). I struggled in my first year in poly as I transited once again into a mainstream school. Despite being high functioning and after several years of therapy, I still found it hard to understand social cues.
My mentor, Ms Sharmila Kanna, as well as the polytechnic counsellors, Mr Liew Tian Le (who resigned in 2020) and Ms Yuyu Kow, assisted me immensely in overcoming my challenges and I had to learn how to accept criticism in order to mature.
After a while, I learnt from my mistakes and things became better. I have now made numerous good friends in and outside of RP. My life at RP wouldn’t be the same without my friends.
My parents
Besides my god-parents, I have to thank my mom for being supportive. She accepted my autism and would research what autism meant and tried to guide me. I engage her in heart-to-heart talks from time to time.
The other thing that I am thankful for is that my parents helped make me independent. Some parents may think autistic kids require more protection. However, it is even more important to let them learn independence and navigate society seamlessly.
“Society is less forgiving as you grow older, regardless of your condition, and especially since we may seem “normal” to people. Hence, the sooner we learn to be independent, the better it is for us personally.”
I will not forget the time when my dad bought me a bicycle and after school taught me how to cycle. To ensure that I can cycle on my own, he would ask me to cycle home by myself. While my father drove, I would follow behind. This increased my confidence level and I knew that I could be independent if I put in the effort.
I would advise parents not to “toughen” their kids up to avoid burnout. Autistic individuals are more prone to depression due to their difficulties in expressing their feelings. Some parents want them to grow up as the real world is not a sensory-friendly environment.
Don’t run away from the fact that your kid has special needs. Embrace it and have heart-to-heart conversations with them. Give them more avenues to learn how to be independent, for instance, let them take the transport by themselves, order food for themselves, and so on.
Be empathetic and lend a listening ear. Discipline still needs to be there, however, to ensure that they learn from their mistakes.
Making friends
As much as I may seem “normal” as I am high functioning, I have experienced several challenges making friends throughout my whole life. It is difficult to assess if friends are sincere and the “power” of social media does not help either.
Can you trust everything that is posted on social media? However, I feel that sincerity has to start with yourself. Someone gave me this advice previously: If I don’t like to be treated in a certain way, such as being shouted at, the other party would not like it, too, if I shout at them.
Hence, I always try to be as true to my friends as I can, and that I will always be there for them if they need my help.
So far, this philosophy has helped me make some good friends along the way.
Even in RP, before they graduated, I had a few groups of friends that I can study with and count on them when I am stressed.
In addition, I also have many friends, from Pathlight, Republic Poly, church, and other areas of my life who have stuck with me despite my various shortcomings. As the years and months go on, I am constantly learning new things to be a better friend to those around me.
Message for others
Autism is an invisible learning difference. Whenever I break the news that I have autism, people would be surprised as I “don’t look like it”. I do get upset sometimes when people around me use the word “autistic” loosely without understanding what it means.
“I would encourage others to be more patient and understanding of those with autism. It is not always true that people with autism do not like to socialise or make friends. Everyone is human and wishes to be understood.”
However, people with autism may have more challenges as they may not know how to express themselves. There are higher chances of others misjudging them and discounting them as rude or crazy. I am blessed that I have many supporting family members, teachers and friends around me, who are empathetic and have given me numerous good advice.
My advice for others is not to look at someone with autism in only one dimension. Autism is on a spectrum. Public perception of autism is often based on limited and fictional portrayals in novels and movies. There is however one movie which I enjoyed and can associate with—“The Accountant” starring Ben Affleck.
In the movie, there is one unforgettable scene when a father in the movie was trying to calm his “autistic” son with a nursery rhyme during a violent meltdown. Each autistic individual has a different coping mechanism. It will be good to understand what resonates with them so that it helps them to calm down.
Self-acceptance
I had a hard time controlling my emotions when I was younger. But with therapy, I have learnt many techniques on how to manage my emotions, be more self-aware and mindful of my thoughts and behaviours and self-regulate before I have an outburst.
Recently, I cultivated a thinking process that has saved me from getting into permanent rocky relationships with others at times; that is, how I respond to the situation now determines whether the friendship survives.
I do struggle with self-acceptance occasionally. Sometimes people may interpret my intentions the wrong way, and that saddens me. It has been a journey to find my true friends.
I remind myself to stick with true friends. I tried so hard in the past to appease people who were toxic, which was unnecessary and detrimental to my mental health. I try to distance myself from people who turn out to be toxic, for example, by unfollowing them on Instagram.
“Social media can be dangerous for those with autism or special needs if they do not have the right support network around them.”
Going to a church youth group helped me but that was not the end of my struggles. Nowadays, I am more careful of social boundaries and doing my utmost best to be conscious of what I should share.
For others with autism, I will advise that they join a co-curricular activity (CCA) if they are in school, ask people how they are, and take more interest in their sharing. It can however be subjective as what works for one may not work for another.
I remind myself to demonstrate that I am listening by echoing what others are saying but take care not to over ask questions otherwise it becomes an interview session!
My hopes and dreams
I think many boys at some point in their lives dreamt of becoming a police officer, and I’m proud to say, I am still one of them! While initially, I started out wanting to be a firefighter when I was younger, I found myself watching a lot of crime shows while growing up and that ultimately cultivated my interest to become a police officer.
Law enforcement is in my blood, and I feel that there is no excuse when a crime has been committed.
Armed with a strong sense of justice, my wish is to join the police force, such as the Special Investigation Section, Emergency Response Team or Special Tactics and Rescue unit, and solve as many crimes as possible to bring people who threaten the peace and security of Singapore to justice.
I sincerely hope that I will be given an opportunity to be interviewed and join the Singapore Police Force when I graduate. 🙏
When I found out that I was exempted from NS, I felt really disturbed. My friends around me were also surprised when they find out that I was exempted due to autism. This is personally because I felt my autism should not have any form of bearing on my future employment, let alone other people’s opinions or perspectives on me.
So what if I am autistic? Having a strong passion for my future career is what I believe will help me to advance well in my occupation, and more importantly, my future.
“I hope to prove that even an individual with an invisible disorder, like myself, can do many extraordinary things.”
Behind every accomplishment I have made in my life so far, is a story that entails efforts, tears, blood and sweat to overcome my struggles, and ultimately, get myself to where I am today!
Like others, I also hope to get married and have a family in the future as well.
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