Matthew Quek

1 Apr

Matthew Quek, an educator and counsellor, went through a competitive education system until he was diagnosed later in life. Read on to learn how a strong moral compass helped him faced his challenges.

Career direction

I am also a performer and songwriter. I view myself as a Special Educational Needs (SEN) ambassador. My music and teaching endeavours are geared toward helping those with SEN (like me) who go through different struggles in life not being able to integrate fully into society.

As a SEN Counsellor, I interacted with young people and helped those with SEN journey through life; with the hope of them becoming individuals of dignity and healthy confidence with empathy and compassion towards others around them.

Matthew sings “Bring him home” from Les Miserables.

I have had eight solo music albums in the past. I also released “Unbroken”, a short film based on my life story three years ago. The film is centred on the metaphor of a roly-poly toy with a steadfast centre of gravity, which symbolises a person’s intrinsic worth other than just results and accolades. Emphasizing this metaphorical intrinsic model “centre of gravity” was my main motivation behind producing this film.

Matthew acted in and produced ‘The Prism’, a multi-award-winning short film about a Singaporean family that discovers something special about their 9-year-old autistic son.

My younger days

As a child, I held great aspirations and wanted to be a lawyer, doctor, a soldier even, but it became apparent over time that I had severe limitations. I was told that I was slow and not gifted. Life in school was tough.

There was long term emotional and psychological scarring from the years of continuous trauma, but, the experiences helped shape what is now valuable and meaningful to me, as well as the personal convictions I now hold.

Primary school

When I was taking my Primary School Leaving Examination (PSLE) at twelve years old, I saw that getting 4 A*s was the definition of success. Friendships were transactional, based on one’s perceived potential. When it became apparent to my peers that I was not within that spectrum of potential, my circle of friends diminished greatly.

“At that young age, I began to see that this was how relationships were formed in a utilitarian manner – based on what one can get out of others and who is useful to them.”

As a result, all my rosy tinted ideals of life from "Enid Blyton’s stories" just went out of the window. I learned, that in this harsh, cold and pragmatic world, that those who play the game well do get away with things and one good turn does not always deserve another.

With time, I became a little bit more jaded and cynical. I thought I would not make it at the PSLE but surprisingly I did extraordinarily well, to such an extent that even my teachers and peers did not believe it.

Secondary school

I chose an all-boys secondary school. There were no ladies to impress there so the boys did not have to pretend to act like gentlemen. They could be as savage and brutal as they wanted.

Being good in studies and sports were a few of the key performance indicators of success in an all-boys school. I was not good in any of those areas, so being a victim of systematic bullying was commonplace. I was getting physically trounced by others too.

Teachers were not so compassionate, barring a few who were a bit more empathetic. Those four years were tough and I often thought to myself, “There’s no hope for justice in this life.” Some of these bullies were very smart and they got away with many of their misdeeds.

I did not do too well for the preliminary exams so I thought that was the end of the line for me. However, just as it was at the PSLE, I did unexpectedly well for the ‘O’ Levels and both teachers and peers were once again very taken aback.

Junior college

The culture in my junior college was totally different from that in my secondary school. It was more westernized and social misfits like me just could not fit in as guys like me were not considered ‘happening’ enough.

It had a party culture that I could not integrate well into. I was in the Humanities and Arts stream where most students had different values and outlooks in life. Although I was creative and expressive in my own way, I was an awkward fit as my upbringing and convictions were quite different from quite a number of them.

I could not find anyone with whom I had good rapport except one particular friend. Because both of us were considered “losers”, we would sit in front of the classroom while the rest of the class would sit right at the back. We were considered the “not-so-happening” guys and were not popular so we were definitely were not prime choices when it came to dating selections of cool attractive individuals.

“My friend and I cultivated a friendship for several years ever since. He was my best man for my wedding and I, in turn, became the best man for his wedding.”

It was also in my Junior College that I met some good teachers. They were my History teachers in Junior College—Ms Susan Toh and Mrs Iris Wong. My past experiences with teachers were negative as they were largely impatient with me.

However, Ms Toh and Mrs Wong could see that I was trying my best and that I was teachable. They did not treat me differently as they did not know I have SEN, so they were quite surprised later on when they discovered that I do in fact have those lifelong challenges.

There were also some good teachers from the Junior College Choir. I first joined the choir in secondary school and that began my love for singing. In both the Secondary and Junior College Choirs respectively, the choir conductors entrusted me with the role of Section Leader for the Basses and Baritones.

The teachers here valued not just ability but also attitude and responsibility. They even charged me with the responsibility of singing the national anthem every morning without musical accompaniment.

Since I have had lifelong challenges in the areas of dyspraxia, dyscalculia and Asperger’s, although I had not been officially diagnosed yet then, I was very stiff and awkward when singing the National Anthem solo every morning.

But that experience spurred me to research much more in the aspect of singing pedagogy in order to help myself overcome my struggles. I began to research more into singing pedagogy to help myself sing better in front of others and that began my interest in pedagogy.

National Service (NS)

After junior college, I went on to serve National Service (NS). I soon realised that physical fitness was merely one small component of getting through this rite of passage.

There were other integral skills pertaining to spatial motor function coordination for activities like marching, assembling rifles and motor parts, shooting targets accurately at the firing range. All these things require a lot of intricate eye-hand coordination.

One would also need to have “street smarts” when it came to interacting with individuals from different walks of life. I was put in a context where there was a good mix of people from polytechnics and junior colleges, as well as school dropouts.

Because of my disabilities, I stuck out like a sore thumb. I would be the last to assemble with the platoon, and the the last to disassemble a rifle and put it back together within a stipulated time. I could not organize my field pack.

When it came to marching, I was hopeless in being able to differentiate different directions and could not execute the basic drills. I could not hit the target at the range and was called a “bobo shooter”.

They would tie a white strip across my helmet and call me a “white ranger”. In NS, they believe in collective punishment so my whole platoon often suffered from my mistakes. I was picked on and bullied a lot.

“It was a very dark time for me. I was so close to ending my life as I saw that there seemed to be no way out of this predicament.”

There was once when some people complained to the MINDEF about some of the wrong things done in the army by the superiors. My superiors thought that it was me who complained because I was the most conspicuous due to my disabilities.

They asked me to explain myself in front of the whole company why I complained, and despite me denying having done it, they did not believe me.

Diagnosis

Both my parents and I did not know I had such conditions throughout my schooling years. They just knew I was slower and very different from others. Hence, they were very anxious, especially during pivotal moments in life such as at the PSLE, and every time, it was nerve-wracking for them to see whether I would make it through the system.

My parents sent me for a check-up with a psychologist when I was in NS and they did a test. It was then that we could, for once in our lives, see that there were multiple invisible inherent conditions.

The psychologist was astounded that I managed to get through the ultra competitive system here, much less get past PSLE too.

I did share this with my superiors and medical personnel in the army but it was met with much scepticism and disbelief. As such, they put me through repeated rounds of their own tests and assessments.

By the time they confirmed that my conditions were genuine, NS was more or less over so I did not get to experience the benefits of customised training for those with limitations and medical conditions.

I went through the whole plethora of difficulties and I thought to myself why the declaration of my conditions was so badly timed.

“If I had been diagnosed much earlier as a child, my life would have been a lot easier.”

However, these tough times really opened my eyes to see human nature as it is and to discern the true motives of others. I began to realize that life comprises many topsy-turvy, contradictory and ironic moments.

The good friends whom I trusted more in my NS days were the school dropouts. They became good friends who protected me when I got bullied. They would try to step in to help whenever someone tried to whack me.

They valued those who respected them as a person, and treated me as their friend because I showed them the basic dignity and respect due to a fellow human being.

Challenges

As mentioned, I was diagnosed with dyspraxia, dyscalculia and Asperger’s.

Dyspraxia

The difficulties I experienced with regard to my dyspraxia involved the aspects of coordination and spatial reasoning, as well as fine motor movements.

I would take months to learn to tie a simple knot and then I would forget it and had to repeat the whole process again. Even using dental floss was an arduous task.

When learning to write, my mum had to hold my left hand with the pen and go through each letter of the alphabet painstakingly.

Dyspraxia also affects spatial reasoning in physical education, scientific concepts and geometry, and when I took up driving later on, I tended to get lost often, not to mention the fact that I took a long time to pass my driving tests.

Dyscalculia

I had a lot of difficulty with mental sums and counting money. I would not know if the change given to me was correct, so I would have been easy fodder for people who wanted to cheat me.

At the PSLE, I had to use bar charts for Mathematics and I could not understand how it all came together. During our Science Practical Lab sessions, I could not get a single experiment right and I remember my lab partner telling me I was “stupid, stupid until idiot like that” and that I was “spastic”.

Asperger’s

I was often very “blur” and offended people without knowing it. I said and did things that rubbed others off the wrong way.

I was also very fixated on repetition of certain procedures and that caused me to become ‘lost’ in terms of consciousness of what was happening around me. I could lose track of the big picture and cause others to think that I was trying deliberately to cause trouble, which could not be further from the truth.

Gifts and strengths

One gift of mine is that I am good at singing. I could remember and reproduce tunes that I heard almost immediately. Such musical inclinations came to me much more naturally than other simple mechanical tasks that others would take for granted.

I could also weave plots, scenarios, ideas and dialogue almost instantaneously and as such, I often approach and evaluate issues in a very non-conventional manner, which actually helped me immensely as a teacher when I used various forms of engagement to win the hearts and minds of my students so that they would be able to tackle Humanities and Language based subjects much more easily.

Another strength is probably one that was nurtured through experience. I have always been comfortable interacting and bonding with children. It’s the mechanical aspects of administrative work in teaching and coordination of logistical tasks that caused me much grief and still continue to do so, even at my current context of work.

“At the same time, I am also able put on another hat to be an authority figure and a person who role-models.”

I also have the ability to identify more with others. I am able to be patient and identify with students who go through difficult times, but I will not budge when it comes to areas that have to do with clear moral decisions they are in control of.

To the extent that they are in control of these decisions, I want them to take ownership of them.

My anchors in life

My parents have always emphasized to me that results are not as important as character.

I was incredulous at the seeming impracticality of their exhortations initially because honesty was not going to help me get good grades. However, their repeated affirmations on the importance of having good character helped me see the wisdom of that.

“All through life, friends came and went, I was beset by many trials especially in NS, but the emphasis on character and moral values like honesty kept me anchored.”

I am often perceived as being very “rigid” when it comes to morals so I have learnt not to be explicitly dogmatic and impose my standards of morals on others. But I still maintain that one’s moral compass must be steadfast and certain.

Mine has helped me to see much deeper into the true motives of the heart and eventually, it became my point of reference when I went on to look for a soulmate.

Common misconceptions about Special Educational Needs

#1

When I was in school, people just viewed us as naughty and mischievous, as students who created trouble in class. Perceptions have changed now. Teachers might not be as quick to call kids that.

However, a number of parents still prefer to deny the existence of their children’s challenges. They held the fallacious idea that the problem will just go away if their child could manage to get through the system.

Yes, the kid can get through the system but that could lead to long-term trauma and damage; not just for the child but for their immediate caregivers and those whom the child will have to interact with in school and at work.

#2

Another misconception is that since the kid has special needs, everyone should give in to them or accede to their requests. There is still the need to be firm about right and wrong and to model these values consistently in practice.

When a kid with special needs sees the value of having a strong moral compass, they can make choices in spite of their SEN and learn how to more resilient, more compassionate toward others, how to be honest, etc.

The resilience developed in responding to odds stacked against them, while adhering to their convictions, would develop true character. Giving the child a ‘free pass’, so to speak, would not benefit the child in the long run.

#3

A third misconception is that we have to lower expectations of children with special needs. This impedes the growth of the child if he discovers a gift that might be marketable in the future. If they cultivate that gift and grow strong in it, the child just might be able to use it to help others in life later on.

Building a more inclusive environment

I think the key is balance.

Most schools already have the outward infrastructure and systems in place—Allied Educators, Counsellors, Access Arrangements, etc., but these have to be balanced with the changing of mindsets at ground level and equipping teachers with skills and support in order to cultivate a more balanced view of students with special educational needs.

We have to be firm on moral non-negotiable aspects pertaining to character but, at the same time, we should not treat them as liabilities. We need to believe in the true intent and mission of the cause of helping include and integrate those with SEN and not allow the failings of systems and individuals who put up appearances to cause us disillusionment.

My hopes for the future

As a local musician and a singer/songwriter with special needs, there is also a certain degree of cynicism among people in my industry towards those with SEN.

Whenever I tell them I am someone with special needs, they think that I am someone who is merely milking public sympathy.

Actually, I am doing it all at my own cost.

I am putting myself at a disadvantage, with the possibility that others would not want to hire or engage someone with SEN because it would mean much more inconvenience and trouble for them since I may be perceived more as a liability than an asset.

But I am putting myself out there in a transparent way regardless of their responses.

“My hope is that such misconceptions can be balanced such that people can observe an individual for a period of time first before jumping to premature conclusions.”

They should see the extent to which the person’s special need is causing the individual to behave in a certain way or the extent to which the person’s emotional baggage is affecting his behaviour, and then give him some allowance for that.

However, at the same time, they should not give excuses for clear moral breaches, especially if the individual with SEN has the capacity to make choices pertaining to character and moral values to some extent.

I also hope that people with special needs will be recognized for their moral effort in workplaces and that they will be given more leeway and time to grow in these skills. They can be loyal workers who contribute a great deal later on in the long term, especially in places with high turnover rates where people come and go.

Message to others with learning differences

You cannot expect these problems to magically disappear. If you are placed in contexts where your weaknesses are highlighted, you cannot just wish for them to go away. You have to then evaluate if this current situation you are in is playing to your strengths or to your areas of lack.

One thing you can be certain of is that you have tried your best in accordance with your own conscience. Even with my current condition, what was clear to most of my colleagues and some superiors was that I was hardworking, I tried my best, I am sincere and I am earnest.

It is just that I am slower than others in many things and I make many mistakes unintentionally in spite of my best efforts. These colleagues and superiors will be much more forgiving and accommodating because they know you are a person they can trust, as opposed to someone who is very street-smart and very good at playing the game, but who bends with the wind and make compromises just to fit in.

“My weaknesses have grounded me and they keep me humble and on the straight and narrow.”

Be grounded, realistic, practical and do not fall into despair or become cynical and jaded. Keep a buoyant hope that there is purpose and even when it seems doors are constantly shut in your face. We need this to ground ourselves and not be led by our emotions because emotions are very volatile.

Keep in touch with Matthew by visiting his website at matthewquekonline.com.